Our souls are fragile and it is fine to see later all the ways we can adjust the dynamics.When we are on the spot and try so hard to be sociable we are regressed back into a space (either hurt or childlike)of non coping.
As a child one particular branch of my clan.. tribe...family would comment on the abscence of my father.If I did well at school dance or art was looking pretty then one person would put me into line..with words.Then if I was naughty clumsy or any other childish trait she would magnify the "wrong"..I knew she did it from an early age.So I was quiet..good stayed in the background to avoid feeling hurt.This I have realised was WOUNDED HIBERNATION. As an adult I realise this suited her.Her own children (my cousins) would shine.What I needed was an advocate..but she was subtle.Each Christmas she would give me I kid not..navy school gym knickers) wheras my peers would get toys.Exchanging gift in the family group was so diminishing for me. She actually said in my hearing that her Mother my Gran needed help having taken on the burden of me.This stays with me..I have turned this into positive behaviour in my own actions with the many children I worked with.People leave scars and I know I operate on different levels due to this one woman.I am fully aware she in turn must have felt damaged.Her life must have taught her to be mean.
I can pick up people who have her traits easily.And there are many.I read it in their language in their actions and believe me I am never wrong.
Dont think I dwell on this..but I am aware it is part of me,
I have suggestions Eagle...will I PM and share?

Ignoring another is an additional way people like my Aunt can wound..in fact being ignored is one way of bullying as judged by a forum that supports people who experience bullying.
Mountain ash