Vi, I am so moved by your post. You've touched on so many things that I have struggled with in the past. When I first posted, I'd written something else entirely but decided, for some reason, not to post it. But I did save it and I'm going to paste it here now.

My mom courageously battled throat cancer for a year. She had her voice box removed and went into remission after several lengthy and rather dangerous surgeries but about 2 months after being cured, the cancer came back and it wasn't long before she was pronounced terminal.

We brought her home and between my step-dad, my husband, and my two sisters, we cared for her. There came a time when she was pretty much unconscious because of her pain medication. We continued to talk to her and I constantly read the Psalms to her. I too am someone who wants to fix things but I knew this was beyond me. I also knew that each of our family members was dealing with my mom's impending death in their own ways. But, suddenly, a sense of peace descended on me and I looked at my mother. The pain etched on her face was heartbreaking but God still surrounded me with His peace.

Anyway, several weeks later it was my turn to care for mom during the night -- she required 24/7 care with medication administered every 2 hours. Most of the family would have the TV on and so when I came I'd shut it off and this night I played her most favorite music ... Elvis singing gospel songs. Then I sat down and talked to her, telling her it was okay for her to leave us. Unknowingly, each of my sisters (on the previous two nights) had told her the same thing. You see, she was living much longer than the doctors ever predicted. Anyway, after talking to her for a while, lovingly holding her hand and kissing her cheek, I began reading the Psalms again because I knew she loved to hear them.

We always kept a close eye on her chest -- it was the only way we knew she was alive. We'd had to keep lots of scented candles lit and as I sat alone, I noticed several candles flickering ... as if someone had walked into the room. I thought my step-dad might have awakened and so I went into the kitchen, planning to join him in a cup of coffee. But he wasn't there. I double checked and saw he was sleeping. I went back to my mother's side. Again, the candles danced. There were no doors or windows open ... no drafts. I went back to watching the slight raising and lowering of my mother's chest wondering what I would do if she stopped breathing. I'd never been with anyone when they died and I suddenly was filled with such fear.

Then a wonderful peace surrounded me. And I knew. It was time. I sensed I was in the presence of two angels who had come to accompany my mother Home. I moved to the other side of my mom and looked at her face. I'll never forget what I saw. All the lines were gone and there was a beautiful peace in the smooth skin. She looked years younger than 73. Without going into detail let me just say that over the weeks, my mother's face had been a reflection of the pain from her cancer and could've been used as a model for a halloween mask. No more. The horror was replaced with beauty and peace. I leaned down and kissed her cheek and told her I'd see her again. And then she stopped breathing. I stood there for a moment and then rushed and called to my dad and told him I thought mom was gone. Then I went back to her side.

I stood quietly still in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Again, the candles flickered as if people were walking through the room. I thought to myself, she was there when I came into this world and now I have the honor of being with her when she is leaving this world. I'll never know why, but my stepdad allowed me to be with my mom ... to say this final goodbye.

It was an awesome experience. I hadn't expected anything like that but I knew it was real.

Death is a certainty for all of us. How we deal with it is our choice. I truly admire you for the choice you've made. Yes, it is easy to get caught up in how others are reacting to the loss. But to be a light ... what a blessing you will be for the rest of the family.

You continue to be in my prayers.

Blessings, Francine