Anticipation

This entire week, always in the back of my mind, sometimes in the foreground is my sister's impending memorial service. I really can't get on with the recovery until it is over.

I talked with Dan, he told me a little of what they planned for the service - a celebration. He and his kids designed it in a way so it won't be so sad.

Under it all I sense his desperation. I know something of the emotional turmoil he is headed into. The saddest thing for me is that I can't remove or dissolve his pain. It wouldn't be good if I could. It's his journey, his opportunity.

Tomorrow is a day to get through - the service, the reception, talking to people with our emotions raw and dealing with some with whom we have unresolved conflicts, hoping none of it surfaces at the wrong time in the wrong way.

Even so, this has been a productive week for me. I've spent my mornings staring at nature, letting go. I've spent my afternoons painting a picture from a photograph of my husband taken during his young hunk years, and thinking of where my life is about to take me, where I am about to direct it to go.

As sad as it all is, it is, in fact, a beautiful time of growth. I look forward to the coming journey. I await the unfolding for the highest good, even if I do it at first with tears in my heart.

Vi