Dianne, thanks for your words about my posting. I'm grateful.

Although Gary and I were not married, at the time we were both burned out on marriage. It was something neither of us wanted. However, we were just as committed to each other as if we had been married.

The way one makes it, is a day, a minute, and hour at a time. Ten minutes can seem like an eternity, because the person is not there, in the physical sense. I sat and cried a lot. I moped a lot. I walked until I was so tired I barely had enough energy to get back home. I reexamined my spiritual beliefs. I talked aloud to God, and all my words weren't nice. I nearly killed myself. Most of my friends pulled away. I read books on the subject of loss. I went to a support group offered by a woman, Kelly Osmond, MSW, who lost her son when he was twenty. She and I had the same prof in college. He told me about a book she had written about the loss of her son and her group. I made friends at the group with those who were going through intense losses of their own, though none of them were their lifemates. It took a long time for me to be okay.

Basically, I can say it was hell, but it helped me grow into a kinder more loving, more compassionate person, a person who is open to spiriutal possiblities I considered implausible before his death. For all this I am grateful. I love who I am now...even though I still have a lot to learn.

When it comes time, you will make it through. And with the support of the women here at Boomers, it will be easier.

Chick - thanks for your support, for saying my experience has touched you. It helps.

Love and blessings,
Vi