JJ, yes, softened edges would be good. I know it will come. Mostly I'm okay. I feel so bad for Dan. For me it's a matter of how my world has changed, not that I can't stand the pain. It's the honor and integrity a whole generation represented, that is being lost. My sister was not of that generation, but she held on to some of its basic tenets. In the last 5 years so many of my parents generatons have died.

Lionspaaw,yes, once we can get Mom onto the Net it should help. First we have to make her computer literate. The other day we were showing her how she had to hold the mouse for it to work right. She just didn't get it. So the next time we go down, there will be more basic lessons. She had my old computer years ago, but she's forgotten everything she knew. Part of it is mild dementia. Part of it is selective, convenient amnesia. It's my job to distinguish the difference. If I do everything for her, it will make her less able to do for herself. She does not want to live with me. She does not want to go into a home. So my goal is to keep her at home as long as I can. She has good people at her church who also help her. I'm grateful to them. She was a good mother to me. I love her. I will make sure her needs are met as best I can.

Yes, Dan is alone with the pain. I remember how it was...but for him the time he spent with Anita was his entire adult life. He has to learn how to be alone and be okay with it. I think that's the worst of it for me, knowing there's so little I can do to help him. I can't wave a wand and make him all better. The thing is, I've always wanted to fix everybody. And I just can't. That's part of my frustration - part of what I have to learn.

When there are losses like this with my family and loved ones, it brings the world situation front and center. I think about the people who are out there killing people on purpose, causing others to experience this kind of loss and pain on purpose. It reinforces the reason for my life - to promote kindness and peace.

Do any of you know about a woman who went by the name of Peace Pilgrim? Her name was Mildred Norman. She gave up her way of life, and all of her possesions and walked back and forth across this country promoting peace, first inner, then outer. Wonderful woman. In my book she deserves the same kind of respect for her life's work as Martin Luther King. Peace Pilgrim did what she did in a more humble kind of way. Love the woman, although by the time I heard of her, she was already deceased. A website set up by Friends of Peace Pilgrim is: http://www.peacepilgrim.org/

Thanks again for all your support.
Vi