Dianne,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. It does really help.

Well, I lit a fire tonight in my fireplace. Wood. I can't really explain why but I have always been drawn to that smell. It's soooo - you know, WOODSY. Warm, beautiful, ancient, secure. And I have this really odd interplay with it - I MUST get it started, fan the flames, control it as best I can within it's boundaries - I WANT it to do as I bid - I want the flames to fly, be beautiful, send it's warmth, and NOT die. I will stay awake to make sure it doesn't die. (Until I get so tired that I fall asleep regardless)

It's been that way for a long time. It started when my children were little and we went camping. I was the only one to make that fire; and I intended to do it. We would have the fire. And we did. We loved it, it loved us. Warm, beautiful, ancient,secure. Invaluable. Invaluable.

So, tonight I made the fire - and tho' Nichole is now gone, and my Samuel is off making Halloween costumes with his girlfriend, I still tend the fire; it must still burn - forever....

Searcher