i was not sure where to put this post and settled here.

i have to say that i think that my instinct was correct . . . this board is not a good fit for me.

just a few notes:

celtic: ironic that you ask me to not comment on the welcome thread anymore, then you proceed to give more of your own opinions. double standard much? also, if you do not see hostility in meridith's telling me i am disingenuine when i have bent over backwards to be self-revealing . . . you and i will never be on the same page! and the kicker is your instruction to me to change my personality, if i understand you, to suit the "sensitive" people here.

if you go back to the threads i have posted on, please show me where these sensitive people are and how i treated them insensitively. if you are talking about chatty, from what i can gather she tried to shut down the racism thread, then made the comment to me that i am a bad apple. i said nothing to her, so your theory doesn't make much sense to me. who are these other sensitive people that i should have modified my personality for?
i feel you have put me in a double bind situation: damned if you do, damned if you don't.

dj: you said that "something is not right," as if there is some foul play. so dramatic. you also insulted me by saying i am not that different . . . maybe i might be in my area, but not in your area. what kind of comment is that? i posted as being "non-traditional" just to put a label on the fact that my thinking and beliefs are not status quo. i did it not to make myself "special" and above others, but as a way to try to just say what i feel is true about me and my positions after years of experience. i didn't expect i would be mocked for trying to describe myself and how i see myself.

also, claims were made that i could learn from others, with the allusion that i think i am superior to others and am trying to teach people or something. i never said such a thing and i don't think that. i think we all learn from each other all the time, if we are open and even if we aren't, we learn from our negative experiences.

in looking back on this experience, i would say it is an "insider/outsider" problem, and a pecking order problem more than anything else.

my one sin that i can see is that i have had audacity. i can see where that could be irritating and the group may not accept such a stance from a newcomer. if i wanted to fit in, i would have followed celtic's advice and would have eased in . . . noting who the top dogs are and respecting the pecking order. i don't know why but that does not appeal to me. i am simply dealing with the consequences of that initial decision to show my cards and try to say with as much honesty as i could muster, who i am and what i am about.

if you look back on the threads i participated in, i really have not said anything that outrageous. i have not insulted anyone but have been insulted. in the middle east thread celtic alluded that she might know what was going on . . . meridith mocked me, challenged me, then ridiculed me, saying she knows me . . . (which is patently absurd, if you just think about it). celtic lost her patience with me for not backing down on my political views, dj seems to want to put me in my place ("you're not so special," "i've heard your views before," etc.), chatty and i did not even exchange comments that i can remember. she was just miffed because dotsie removed the post where she called me a "bad apple."

anyway, there is a double standard here for sure . . . the pecking order is in good shape.

i wanted this to be a place where i would fit in, but it is not. that's all there is to it.

i doubt i will be the last one to get the insider/outsider treatment.