Hi Edelweiss,

Di is right in that it's good to have alternative opinions and you do make a good point.

I've thought about whether I am expecting a perfect marriage, as a few people I've spoken to have hinted to me. However, I don't think I am. All I ever really wanted was a marriage! Two people who do enjoy each other's company, laughing, sharing, etc. We never had that. As I mentioned before, the trouble started as soon as the kids were born. He refused to let me care for my children in such a way that a new mother would have liked, which resulted in arguments and tears right from the start. So to say that I even liked him from that day forward is questionable.

Therefore the type of life I've lead, was mainly for the children. We technically lived two separate lives. I carried on, doing my "wifey" jobs, but my heart wasn't in it at all. I concentrated on the kids as they were more important and I refused to waste my energy arguing with him. He worked from home, but his job took him out of the house in the evenings.I did what I was "told" when he was in the house, then did what I liked when he went out to work. During the day, he would shut himself away, and really only come out for meals, etc.

So, to get back to your original question, no there is no laughter, or cuddles, etc. at all. If I had that, I probably wouldn't complain. He has accused me of having a "barrier" up between us, but I just can't turn on the switch and start loving him again. I feel as though we are just roommates living in the same house and it's been like that for a very long time. Having said that, in his effort of trying to change, I will say that we've probably talked more this past year, after having been reconciled, then we've ever talked in the whole 23 years of marriage!

So yes, it would be nice to have some kind of emotional connection and that is why I am considering the split. I don't think it could ever happen with him again, unless, of course, like Chatty Lady says, we start from scratch.

I was brought up with the notion that marriage is supposed to be happy. A partnership in the full sense of the word. I realize nothing is perfect, but the basic foundation of love, trust and respect has to be there. On that basis, any minor storms" can be weathered. Together.