Duh! Sorry, Dancer, I just reread your message and you did say you've known your husband since you were kids. So maybe my theory is correct. Being of Italian descent myself, I've never heard of those teachings. Good ones, though!

Dotsie - No, she didn't mean physically go away, just to think about things before my next appointment. And yes, I DO get excited thinking about being on my own. I feel the freedom already. You mention starting a journal and although it is a good idea, I'm not sure I would have the time to keep it up. It did bring back memories, though, as I used to keep a diary when I was younger.

As for being afraid. My fear is this... When I finally make my decision,I am afraid to confront him. Mainly because he starts his mind games again. He's done on a few occasions. He conveniently and selectively "forgets" certain things he's done/said, which obviously makes it look as though I made it all up! That gets me very angry, but it also seems to work, because I then start questioning myself. What kind of man would do that to his wife, except one who is desperate to put the blame on her and/or to keep her under his control? This is what I am up against.

Edelweiss - You are right. You go through the motions because it's expected of you. "Dead and Alive" is exactly how it is for me. When I'm with hubby, I feel dead because there is no emotion, or laughter, etc. When I am on my own, with friends or with my children, I feel alive.

As for divorce seminars, Mustang Gal/Di, I've never heard of them, but will endeavor to search them out.

Time for me to say good bye. Look forward to your opinions about my "friendship" theory. Oh, maybe I should say, hubby and I had an unconventional meeting. It was a shipboard romance.