Expat...I feel for you. Having gone thru something similar (as you know) it is not easy. BUT, I'm thinking that, instead of being in a vulnerable state of mind you need to be in a "MAD" state of mind.

Be prepared for him to cry, and hem and haw and beg to change. But stand firm. The damage has been done.....and I know you've "warned him" thru the years. Too late....the niceties that he is doing, he needs to be told, is "NOT WORKING"! They do not get into your heart deeply enough to FEEL the motion and get it back.