My 3rd would be, don't try to love your step-children, just try to be their friend and let the relationship develop how it will. It takes step-families 3-5 years before relationships begin to mesh well together...sometimes longer, sometimes it just doesn't work out, but it's normal, I think, to have stronger feelings for your own children. I'm a step-mom to 2 boys and a girl...all in their late 20's when I met their father. It's not been an easy experience and there's been some downright disrespect shown to me by two of the three so much so that they walked away from their dad and me for awhile. The important thing to remember is you and your husband must always support and stick by one other no matter what. Be on the same page about decisions concerning the children (at least in front of them). If your children or his children find they can put a wedge between you and your husband it will only start to chip away at your relationship and that's not going to help your marriage at all. My step-kids tried that early on and they had to learn the hard way that this was not something that was acceptable nor tolerable and Larry stood by me...they'd been so used to manipulating their dad, so when I married Larry and would not let them do that to him any longer it caused a lot of problems for awhile...but, eventually, they came around and now five years later we're doing pretty well considering. It just takes times, patience, standing firmly beside your husband and him standing by you, and the kids learning they cannot push your buttons and it have an affect on you.
Dee gives great advice.
I wish you the very best luck. Are the kids thinking of working or pursuing further studies after they graduate?
I'm sorry Edelweiss for your brother's girlfriend. It sounds like he has half-time child care custody with his children? Our situation was completely different because I chose to continue to live in my own home which I just bought a few months before I met Jack. At that time, I was very determined to own a home and pay for it. But of course, we spent alot of time together in each other's homes. Sometimes the children were around, sometimes not. And for the latter situation, it just gave him better 'space' deal with his children in discplinary matters.
At the start of our relationship, I made a decision not to even pretend to be a stepmother or mother his children (who were in their early teens). There was no need for me to assume this role, when already the children each had a loving birth parent in each home they lived in. So it was easier for me, to be an adult friend with the children, which became easier after their teens. In hindsight, it worked out best between myself and the children. My partner is absolutely relieved we chose this route.
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