(((Expat)))...Oh, sweetie.....you can NOT take on any blame for not standing up to him during his "cruel" spells. Matter of fact, NO ONE can or should try to stand up to abuse. I don't know your whole story, but I got a divorce after 31 years of verbal abuse (some physical); it wasn't until I read; The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans that I found out what was happening to me. That book should be required reading for everyone on the planet. 1 in 3 women are bing abused; I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group.

Knowing the difference between our stuff and their stuff is a major key. abuse is a CHOICE. Always a choice; if it were not, they would disrespect, abuse other people; abuse is usually done in private.

Have you thought about getting into some counseling?

I am available to talk to if you would ever like to (wacalice@aol.com)

Those people who told you you needed to stand up to him.....they are wrong. They don't understand. An abuser (which he sounds like) does not care what you think or say, so you are wasting your time. you can NOT defend yourself against an abuser.

All you can do when you hear cruelty and abuse.....is remove yourself from that toxicity.

I know about wanting "ever after"----Talk about feeling betrayed......

My hugs and love and prayers go out to you dear new sister.

Love, Alice