Di, insecurity is my middle name! Lifelong battle with it, cannot seem to conquer it, despite years of therapy, a network of wonderfully faithful and loving friends and a profound spirituality. There's something in me that seems to be so damaged that it blocks the ability to believe what I need to believe to live/think better. But I know that, I'm keenly aware of the crippling effect of that insecurity, so I compensate by daring to speak positive platitudes into that deepest self, constantly, in the fervent hope and belief that SOMEDAY they will finally break through that barrier and become my reality rather than just platitudes. It's all I can do. I've tried everything, everyone I know has tried everything, but it's a very slow, evolutionary process...I'm much better now than say, 10 years ago, so that's progress. I know (theoretically) that people love me, I know (theoretically) all the right stuff, it just hasn't reached core-level yet. But it will. I'm certain that the fear is steeped inside of that lifelong insecurity.

I often just sit with God, in silence and in companionship. Whenever I ask Him "why", the answer is always the same..."you still don't believe you are loved". He has given me dreams and countless demonstrations of how much I am loved, and it's all slowly-but-surely healing. But the fear tells me I still have a long way to go.