I really need to know if anyone else here at BWS has had the same thoughts as I have been having lately. I do not mean to bring anyone down, but it is something that has been eating away at me for a long time.

This is basically a spin off from the "Grieving Multiple Loss" thread in the "Loss" section. I just didn't want to hijack the thread.

It just seems like I have no life at all, and it has been a domino effect for the past 4 years. I am afraid to get involved in any hobbies, I am afraid to make any kind of plans. I am not talking anything elaborate; I am talking about the simple things. Each time I set out to do anything, someone in my family has their drama and I am expected to “fix-it”. The latest seems to be several family members who are mad at each other and they are trying to drag me in the middle. I feel they are all so mad at each other over stupid petty things. I try so hard to eliminate the stress in my life and it just seems to follow me. I have a mother who is grieving. Not only that, she is constantly complaining about having to do things herself now (my dad did everything for her), and how she is overwhelmed. I understand that and I am sympathetic. Every time I try to help or suggest something, she will find so many excuses as to why I can’t help her or why it isn’t a good idea. I have my brother and his wife feuding with my aunt, my aunt lives near me and they want to put me in the middle. My daughter can’t seem to make simple decision and calls me constantly wanting me to make suggestions for her. When I tell her I don’t know unless I know the entire situation or I am asking questions to try to understand, she snaps and yells at me. It just goes on and on…. I just wish they all would leave me alone and stop using me as a punching bag for situations out of control and not my fault.

I have to admit something I only told my husband. Before I had my surgery to remove my tumor, I was hoping it was cancer, and I wanted it to be terminal. I am so tired and cannot take it anymore.

I am already on medication and I have a therapist. I really want to get through this, I just don’t know how.

I just wanted to know if others have felt this way at some point and if they eventually get their life back. I hope someone can tell me how to just let this all go. It just seems like everyone wants a piece of me. Every time I stand up for myself, I get attacked and I am besides myself and it is pulling me down.

Thanks,
Cathi