You've gotten some wonderful advice here. I can't really add anything to it, because not too long ago I needed the same advice, but I can tell you this; I could have written your post myself. I have a daughter situation that is unbelievably and incredibly instense and for years I felt like I couldn't plan anything either. I felt like I couldn't even make friends with people because making friends would require disclosure and my situation is almost too much to explain to people. I was sucked into my daughter's daily drama for longer than I can tell you and I was completely exhausted, broken and miserable. I felt just like you....like I didn't care if I lived or died. Life literally meant nothing to me. It was just a succession of days, one after another, all the same, and all with no meaning. I would wake up in the mornings and count the hours until I could just go back to sleep at night so the day would be over and I wouldn't have to live in it anymore. The subconsciousness of sleep was my only relief.

Setting boundaries is the key, and it wasn't until I made it okay for myself to do so that things began to change. Sometimes we feel guilty for setting boundaries, almost as if it is selfish of us to have our own life. That's what happened to me. I felt obligated to fix everything and if I did say no my daughter would make sure to heap monumental guilt on me for it. Any hurtful, cruel thing she could say or do to keep me entangled in her messy life, she did. She still does make those attempts but I took a major step to free myself from her. I moved. Out of state. I'm not saying this is the answer for others, but for me I had to leave to seperate myself from the trauma and drama. I also felt it was important for me to leave to make her see that she had to let go and take care of herself. I wanted/needed to make myself unaccessable to her and I needed to save my own life....desperately. Things are still not good for her but for me, things are slowly coming together. This year I am working to create a life I want to get out of bed for....one where I ask myself what I want to do, not what I have to or need to do or what I am being guilted or pressured into doing. I'm not there yet, but I'm not where I was, either, and I'm not going back there.

Take that trip. PLEASE take that trip. Stop anyone who tries to make you feel guilty over it. Let it be okay to tell your aunt that although you would love to see your cousin, this trip is about other things and it just can't be done this time. If she doesn't understand then that is her issue and you have to let it be hers. There is a saying I am growing more and more fond of everyday: "Other people's opinions of us are none of our business." There's a lot of freedom in that sentence.

I'll be keeping you in my prayers. I know how difficult this is!