Kate, I’ve been where you are now. My son lived with us off and on between jobs. It got worse each time. When I look back, I ask myself why the heck did I put up with that?
Was I feeling sorry for him? Was I avoiding conflict? I don’t know. But it’s 6 years later, and I am at the point where if I were in that situation again, I would tell him, either you abide by my rules and treat your parents and our home with respect or you leave. By the first misdemeanour I would put his suitcases out. And truthfully I would be relieved that I needn’t swallow all that grief.

Don’t get me wrong. I have a great relationship with my son. But live with him? Yikes, no.
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As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.
Goethe