Thanks Dotsie (and Nancy). It really has helped just to air the sadness here...it was all bottled up inside of me and nowhere to vent. Sharing here has helped to ease the pain and helped to give me new perspective - and empowerment to plow through with/without them.

This deep sadness has been partly to blame for me not sharing here as much. It's so overwhelming somedays that I just don't want to spew it into anyone else's world, and so I keep it all to myself (well, with my best friend in the hospital and hubby having heard it all before, where is there to go?)

It's not the totality of who I am, but it overshadows everything else because of its impact on our day-to-day lives. Still searching for the "new normal" that brings more joy than pain, and darn, isn't it elusive. But thanks to all for once again being a soft and safe place to crash.