Good insight, Orchid, especially your last paragraph...hubby's son is definitely afraid of more disruption - everyone's afraid of this woman. And the reason he doesn't do anything or stand up to her is because she continuously threatens to take the children to China and never allow him to see them again. So he's clearly just letting her have her way for the time being.

We're fairly certain now that the mother is slowly but surely brainwashing the daughter (unsure of the son) against her father...our granddaughter is convinced that her father doesn't care about her, which could not be further from the truth. But we think (and we have further recent reason to be sure) that the mother constantly attacks the character and intentions of the father (hubby's son).

It is complicated, sad and beyond our reach for now. She did allow the son's mother (hubby's ex) to stay ONE night two weekends ago, but was barely accommodating - didn't want the son to set up a bed for her (was going to make her sleep on the floor) but it was the granddaughter (nine years old) who convinced her to let her grandmother at least sleep on an air mattress.

I suppose if there's a silver lining in this situation is that now that I'm the scapegoat (hubby's ex has been the scapegoat for many years), it opens the door for the ex (the blood grandmother) to finally visit her grandchildren (which has been denied her for many years). So I'm very happy about that.