MA, I too want to say how much I appreciate your feelings, and am happy for you that your children treat you with love and respect. That’s how I always treated my parents, and that’s why my situation is so much harder to understand.

I just had to share something. Today my computer guy came over. While he was here, his mother called him twice. Honestly it would make any mother’s heart melt to hear how this 38 year old man spoke to his Mom; - So much love and tender humor. I sat there, and thought; what does his mom have that I don’t have?

Well, I asked him. I told him how I listened with envy to his converstations with his mother. And I told him I wished I had such a relationship with my son.

He looked at me silently for a moment, and then said, “Just let him be what he is, and just accept him with all his faults.”

“I doooo!” I whined, and told him that my son has a lot of stress in his life, and can’t seem to separate me from the others. His attitude is not from anything I have done to him.

Then my computer guy, took me in his arms, and comforted me. Oh boy,…I needed that.
And then he said, when my son calls again, which he will some day, because he will need us for something, I should hold back on any confrontations. I should show him that I’m sad, though. For example, my son may call, and act like nothing has ever happened. Instead of me asking why hasn’t he called sooner, or what the heck is wrong, I should just sound sad, and not say much. By doing this, my computer, genius, guy said, I am allowing my son to develop his own guilt trip. And what happens if someone is one a guilt trip? They try to make good. They try harder.

Wow,…I thought that was brilliant. He’s so right. As long as I question my son, as long as I even reprimand him, he is busy defending himself,…and in no way has any room for a guilt trip.

Thought I would pass this word from my genius, computer, groovy guy on…and hope it helps, like it has helped me.

I embrace you all; - daughters, mothers, happy or sad,… whatever. It’s a beautiful day.