This is very interesting from the standpoint of what money can and can't buy, and whether being able to afford to buy more means that you're ultimately better off.

My dad invested well and he and mom moved into a condo in a retirement community with continual care. Dad died two years ago, mom's still there. Even though she has plenty of money, and I know she's way better off than so many others, still I want to emphasize that it's a crap shoot in some ways. Her biggest foe right now is the doctor on staff!

After dad died, the doc gave my 90 year old mom some Ambien, but also statins with side effects that made her loony. She weighs less than 120 pounds. My siblings (I live out of state) had to go to the ER 3-4 times in 6 months. In the ER they gave her Haldol! After my sister did some internet research about the side effects she actually went into mom's apartment and switched out the meds with vitamins. Within two weeks of this drug vacation, mom was back to her normal self. She also said she didn't want the meds. We told the doc to quit giving them to her. We only know by reading the bill what she's being given.

We hired a daytime companion for her -- she could have maybe hired a full-time nurse for a year before her money ran out, so we chose to hire the companion but when the companion wasn't there (at night) mom fell and broke her shoulder and was moved over to the hospital wing. They medicated her again for the pain and then pointed out that she didn't pass the memory test so they wouldn't let her return to her apartment. She also has macular degeneration which has the effect of visual hallucinations. The idiot social worker on staff pointed out that mom couldn't write the numbers of the clock face, a standard test for mental acuity. Anyway, now she has a room in the memory care unit of the hospital wing where she gets adequate attention but when she's her normal self (which is when she's not on any meds) she's depressed about being over there.

We're still battling the doctor. Mom complained about not feeling well, she was very weak, and started sleeping all the time. So we noticed on the bill that they'd started giving her statins for cholesterol and estrogen (!) to bring up her weight. In a conference call with her "team" which includes the social worker, a nurse, a physical therapist -- I suggested they give her better food. At least give her choices. When my sister takes her out to eat, she gobbles down grilled cheese. She'd eat those all day. My sister told the doctor to give her oatmeal instead of cholesterol meds and he said that it hasn't been "scientifically proven" that oatmeal lowers cholesterol. Still mom says she thinks it's pointless at her age to be taking medication.

Re: the doctor, we're bringing a friend from the outside who's a doctor and can strong arm this guy. He's telling us that her doc. is not respecting patient's rights. Her doc has threatened to drop her as a patient if we "interfere" too much. I'm suspicious that the doc gets bonuses from the drug companies for meeting a quota.

So, my observation is that while having adequate money and being in a fancy retirement community is a great benefit, it's not a panacea. If we weren't involved in her care, she'd be a walking -- or reclining -- zombie. For some people putting their parents away, trusting in the "expert care" and forgetting about them would be fine. But they're kidding themselves if they think everything's wonderful.