We are delighted that you have found our forum. You will find plenty of interesting women here, and many of them have shared similar stories and are living with similar situations.
It IS tough when your kids boomerang back home. But you don't have to be a doormat, if that is what you feel you are being forced to do. There is no rule that says you MUST keep the family homestead so your children have it to come home to. They can come home to a smaller place in a different location, if they are forced to take refuge with you.
Meanwhile, her tuition debt is hers, and while you can choose to help her pay it off, there is nothing that says you must. If she got the loans through traditional student loan methods, she has plenty of time to pay them off... And I think that if she has no job, the lenders are required to give her time to find one before she has to start paying.
Nor is there any rule that says you have to give up your plans for your retirement. You can still golf, still travel, still quit your job, still sell the house -- if you can find a buyer in today's marketplace.
What you need to do is decide whether or not you DO STILL want to retire now... Many of us boomers are deciding to postpone retirement, due in large part to OUR OWN financial situations, not those of our children.
Perhaps you can set time for a family conference, which would include you, your husband, your daughter -- and even her boyfriend. Use this event to discuss goals and make some plans.
Your daughter and her boyfriend can certainly still get married. Think of it this way: THEN if one of them can get a job with health insurance benefits, that marriage certificate COULD mean that both of them would then be covered. Meanwhile, as the laws currently stand, you can't cover them with your health insurance anyway...
Think back to the stories you have heard about your parents when they were the age of your daughter and potential son-in-law...
For example, during the Depression, many of our parents or grandparents got married AND lived with in-laws to save money. Babies were born then too. And people found ways to manage, live, love and even thrive. The same thing can happen again...
The best thing to do, B61, is calmly assess the situation, develop some JOINT plans for solutions to these various situations, and then take action. Merely standing by and wringing your hands will not solve anything.