goodness what an intense and intresting thread.

mustange i am sorry your sucidal feeling are ongoing and have been present so soon in the past. i hope they are however in the past, if not plse do something.

orchid i so sorry about your sister and i know the burden and sorrow you talk about unfortunitly i have had a few frends suicide sucessfully, and they were healing professionals who knew all the tricks and perhapps thats what finally ended thir life, that they should have knowen better, be doing better and thi was nuthing they didn't know.

i had someone close recently try for suicide becouse of thir thinking and some very reacent hurts. the recent hurts couse reactions and open a lot of wonds, thi9s been a theam in my life for as long back as i was 24 i think it helped shapped my profession as my frend then suicided leaving me thir kid to look after.

then i rembered how many years they had been in the state of despaire and an almost soul level emptiness a deep darkness that i never meet as fully as them. people find me as i said since i was 24 younger but without the suicide.

the recent frend i was furiouse with the, the staff non commital and non judmental, ya could hate suck staff but its thir jobs.Its the loved ones who feel the strong enotions, staff are staff doing a job but they make the rest of humanity being humane look bad. The frends and family are full of rage anger, grieff helplkessness and powerless. Well i certinly was and for a week i was so mad madder than anything with them. I did in the end go visite them and wee chatted, i understood the extent of thir pain and its depth. we talked about it and in one of the chats i gave them with the best of my love for them permission to go ...bonkers eh. and what was i thincking. well not much apart from its none of my bussness and i can ask someone to stay but thats becouse of me thats what i want them to do, i wase't sure how i felt about it now ...but on that day i was very clear.

my sis attempted suicide summertime this year wasadmitted to hospital and i am smarting becouse despite my weekend state, thir leanning on me and i can't hold them any longer. i clearly told them not too becouse i could't hold them up and this time i can't be thir counceller. I can't be my owen grief is too great. I also do know they are so deep in thir depresion they don't even see thir being selfish trying to get me to listen to thir problems 3 times this week allready. afterall its been 1 mounth since po has diead and i should be able to get over it and get back to what i normally do. however its bit too painfull and bit too dranning and iv too much in life to do that i have to do.

i undestand the frends that don'[t wanna tax you went you talk i so understand that, i am also glade that you have two extra weeks off from work allthough this is no time at all.

i hope you rest and heal the best you can in your owen time.

the rest of you ladies i only imagine your owen versions of how you felt when you hade't stood up for your family enough, it leaves a very strange feeling but i hope you all know you all did the best you could.

i hope thir be more talking for the diffrent quorters as this is something that touches us all