Dee thanks for sharing your Aunt Mary story with us here. I am in awe of you, as I don't know how I would react in your situation.

My step-father is exhibiting the early stages of some sort of dementia, and I know it it breaking my mother's heart.

He no longer smiles or tells jokes, and he has lost his ability to show her love or care. As an example, while she was in the hospital having her knee replaced, he cleaned out his recently deceased father's apartment, and came home with all that wasn't otherwise disposed of and dumped it on her bed.

Which meant that when she first came home she couldn't rest until she had found a new place for all the "stuff." He didn't help her with this, he'd gone off to run errands. Some might wonder if he should still be driving, and I think his driving days are numbered. He can no longer parallel park, and my mother says there are several dents in the front of the car that weren't there before she went for her surgery.

My brother spent a few days with them prior to her surgery, and he tells me that like your Aunt Mary, our step-father has moments when he is "here" and moments when he is not...

The other day my mother called to say that he wants to cancel their symphony tickets, despite the fact that he used to love to attend and lose himself in the music.

My mother is trying to get him an appointment with a neurologist, but he is resisting. I believe she will win that battle of wills and get him to the doctor, but no doubt the end result will be further loss for them.

His situation may not be Alzheimer's, but it is still tragically sad.

All of us kids live thousands of miles away from them, as they moved to Arizona 10 years ago to retire in the desert. We all have jobs, so we can't take off at a moment's notice to go live with them and help.

Thankfully they recently moved into a retirement community that offers "memory care" as an option should they need it. I don't know what we kids would do if she didn't have that sort of help available -- and yet we know that facilities like this are tremendously expensive. Thank God they have the funds to afford to live there...