Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in, they had to pay the jockey time and a half?

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An excited woman called her husband at work. "I won the lottery!" she exclaimed. "Pack your clothes!"
"Great!" he replied. "Summer or winter clothes?"
"All of them--I want you out of the house by six!"

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, they named a drink after you!"
"Really?" replies the grasshopper. "There's a drink named Stan?"
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https://www.amazon.com/author/bonnie.mill-lemke
https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/bookshelf