For AT LEAST 20 years starting at age 19 or 20, on my birthday I wore this ensemble consisting of a rhinstone tiara, pink patent leather 5" platform shoes, a silver wand (large cardboard Jewish star taped to a dowel, all covered in aluminum foil) and what I labelled my Pat Boone Virginity Prom Dress, one of those 1950's numbers with the voluminous crinolines and plastic spangles on the bodice -- white of course, hence the "virginity" part -- that a friend found at a thrift shop. OK, I've already mentioned that I'm a little weird. I stopped wearing this when I could no longer zip the dress.

For the next 10 years it was the same tiara, but with a leopard print spandex catsuit. No platform shoes either.

Now the tiara has fallen apart, and a new one just won't do. But I still make a big deal about my birthday every year: If I don't, who will??? For my 50th I was selling at a crafts fair and I told EVERYONE who asked "How are you?" (Ha!!! little did they know...) that it was my half-century, so a bunch of people came back to my booth with little gifts and food that they purchased just for me!!

See, sometimes it pays to be a little crazy

so all those years I definitely musta been a Queen, but now that the tiara has gone south, can I graduate to Goddess?