Thanks for the good thoughts. I was doing pretty good yesterday. I called a writer friend (yes, I do have a local friend) who, as usual, was getting ready to head out of town, but she was very supportive, although a little too quick to start telling me to look out for my financial welfare and don't let myself be a victim and walk away with nothing. That's why I don't like to talk to friends about marriage problems. I'm not ready to think about what I'll do if this divorce really happens.

My sister also called and is praying long and hard for me. But today I'm struggling. I called my husband this morning and told him I loved him and missed him. I knew that was a mistake, that all I'd hear back was empty air and that it would hurt me.

I went to a counseling center at church last Thursday and I'm hoping my husband will come with me this coming week, but he hasn't told me yes or no yet. I think he's held off on saying some things to me because he's worried I'll kill myself over the weekend.

I need to visit my mom today. I haven't gone much this week. But I'm afraid I can't keep my act together. I should ride my horses, but I can't get the energy together.

I get an e-mail of a positive quote everyday and todays was:

If you have made mistakes...there is always another chance for you...you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down. -- Mary Pickford

I just want to believe that I haven't failed yet, and that I get another chance to do things right with my husband.