There are really so many ways to look at all this. I, too, have gotten on my husband's case so many times for not picking up. I guess I could never understand how someone would not take care of their own "stuff". I like a clean, uncluttered house, but it doesn't bother him as much. So I decided either to leave it, and not let it bother me or clean it up and not say anything because I was cleaning up because I like it clean! I've even tried the "if you really loved me, you'd do this because it's important to me!!". Now I just decide each time how I want to deal with it.
I DO resent playing the role of his "MOM" and how will my boys ever learn if they see dad leaving stuff for his wife?
I will say though, he HAS gotten better since I stopped yelling about it.