My journey of caring for parents covered a five year period. Four of them were from out-of-state. Mother began showing signs of dementia about 8 years ago. My Dad really had his hands full but would never ask for help. As the level of dementia increased - it became apparent that they needed help. We hired a 'cleaning lady' who was actually a nurse assistant in disguise. After months of pleading, he finally allowed her to do a little laundry on occasion. Mother hated his 'other woman' that was interfering in her business - she berated the poor lady accusing her of 'shrinking'her clothes! But, at least there were another set of eyes checking on them every week, keeping me informed as things changed.

After a year of stability of sorts, Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. After nursing her back to health for over a month (I was living in TN at the time) I had to either get them in assisted living or line up more in-home care. Dad insisted that he wanted to stay at home. We hired in-home caregivers on a 4-hour a day basis; and that gave us another period of stability for about a year. Then Dad had a heart attack. He recovered nicely, but things really started downhill from then on. We decided to move back to MI in the spring of '03. Mother's condition was quickly advancing into some anger/agitation stages. It was getting ugly and I was about ready to pull my hair out. Then, Mother had a stoke last October. We immediately went from needing a little help to 24/7 help.

She was completely unable to walk, talk or swallow properly. She needed total nursing care. Our caregivers stayed on - caring for both of them. Thank God that Dad could afford it and he did stay in his home until his passing on Easter Sunday. By then, mother was on hospice care also. Another blessing, ironically, her alzheiemer's was so progressed that she never knew the love of her life was gone.

I could go on and on with the not so pleasant details of the remaining 5 months - but anyone going through this knows exactly what it was like. Mother finally passed away peacefully in her sleep last Sunday. I'm still dealing with a multitude of feelings ranging from guilt to sheer relief. Ive been in such a state of worry for so long that it will take some time for me to move on with my life - without having to put their needs first. Dare we take a vacation? Plan our retirement somewhere other than near them. The light at the end of the tunnel has finally arrived. It's taken a toll on all of us (DH, my kids - everyone.)I hope that I can find a way to assure that my kids do not have to go through this with us. Maybe some day someone will take elder care seriously. We don't need another war - we've got enough problems within that will take billions of dollars to fix, but it's got to be done. Sorry for the rant - got a lot of pent up emotion I guess.