I was the wife being cheated on, and I found out on my own. I would have appreciated being told at an early stage, because then the recovery process for both my husband and I could have began sooner.

I would pray about telling the wife and see what kind of answer you get. Perhaps discuss it with your pastor who may be able to offer suggestions.

She may already know, but is pretending not to, a common way of dealing with extra-marital affairs.

I chose not to end our marriage, and I was pleasantly surprised that a large number of marriages DO remain intact and can improve--IF both parties are willing to explore the reasons behind the affair and to seek help, preferrably from a Christian counselor devoted to keeping a marriage intact.

Non-Christian counselors (and some Christian ones, too) can add more damage to an already damaged relationship.

Sometimes, there isn't a possibility of healing, especially if neither the husband or wife is soundly grounded in Christian teaching and belief.

Though divorce is "allowable" in the Bible, Jesus pointed out that it was not what God intended, nor what he wants. An interesting thing I learned was adultery isn't a greater sin than murder, lying, stealing, coveting, blasphemy and the rest. They are all equal in their ability to damage. And they are all equal in God's eyes.

One of the things I learned about adultery, in my case, is often the adulterer is not committing the act to hurt his/her spouse. They are doing it to try and fill a hole in themselves. Sometimes the behavior is addictive in nature - the thrill, excitement, whatever. The adulterer oftentimes feels compelled to feel good about him/herself, and finds a quick fix in the adulterous relationship. He/she is in a "honeymoon" phase, where they are experiencing a high.

The hole needing filled is always a God-sized hole. If the man is a Christian, then there is an area of ignorance in his learned teachings; he may be giving in to temptation and rationalizing it without truly understanding the problem.

If there's no relationship between the adulterer and God, then very likely there will be no chance of healing the marriage.

Unfortunately, our society has drilled into our heads that affairs, divorce, unmarried sex and cohabitation are all okay. We must be tolerant of these types of lifestyles. I can only imagine the day of Judgement when God tells people, "Did you really think I would condone this behavior? Where did you get that idea? I am the same always. Those rules were there for your own good. You took them and twisted them to suit your own selves, but it doesn't suit Me."

I feel for you, Dianne. This is such a hard topic to discuss. Knowledge brings with it a requirement to make a decision. But whether it should be you to tell the wife, or not, is between you and God.

I will pray for you, the wife, and the husband, as well as the other woman. Adultery is one of satan's favorite tools - it allows him to steal the sacredness of the vows of marriage; to kill a man and woman's love for each other; and to destroy mankind's trust in God's perfect plan for marriage.

Good luck to you.