Whether it is considered cheating or not, any emotional estrangement is destined to cause bigger problems. While one of you wrote that reading or watching porn isn't cheating, I'd suggest reading playboy or penthouse forum together. It may open the door to communication that might not otherwise happen.

Regardless of how close we are to someone, all of us have our hang ups about intimacy and although I've been w/ my husband for 17plus years, it took me about 15 before I was able to finally be completely open about my sexual needs and likes and dislikes. I don't know why that is, we always had a good relationship sexually, but things can get stale and we need to be able to tell our partner that.

But finally, cheating is not confined to sex or extra marital affairs or porn or any of that. My husband admitted to me once that he felt more threatened by my ability to talk to strangers of any gender, to befriend someone easily, than ever about me running around w/ someone sexually. All of us in a relationship need to feel that we are that special someone, that cherished, needed person to someone else. It's too easy when we're living lives, working and raising kids to start taking things for granted, putting the relationship last. I know I've been guilty of it and so has my husband.

Once that gap exists, cheating of some kind is sure to follow.