China,
Your story is almost identical to mine. I will be married 1 yr. the 19th to a 59 yr. old man. When we met I was sexy, vibrant and alive, bouncy and energetic and with the sex drive of a twenty something...
Now I feel 100 yrs. old, have put on weight, am depressed and see someone entirely different looking back at me from the mirror.
My husband has bought me roses once! I have asked him for cards, notes taped to the mirror, loving arms wrapped around me and appreciation in his eyes.
Instead, he gets Hustler, Playboy, looks at 21 yr. olds on the porno websites and goes on and on about how he used to visit the strip clubs and how the 21 yr. olds on his postal route smile and flirt with him.
He keeps a constant supply of Viagra on hand (gets it free) and says when a young girl smiles at him she really wants sex.
No romance, no foreplay with me, just get it on sex. No compliments, no praise, no kind words...
I might as well be a St. Bernard. He rests his legs and arms on me while he is sleeping because his back hurts...
He romanced and wooed but I did most of the work..then loneliness got the best of me and I agreed to marry him.
I don't want a young man with a six pack, young men bore me. What I want is a 6'2" balding man with glasses and facial hair and hair on his chest. I want an intelligent Christian man with whom I can have interesting discussions and who feels tenderness toward me, one I don't have to be afraid of; one who loves children and everything about me.
I would do anything for someone like that. almost..
China, I deserve someone like that and so do you deserve someone who respects and appreciates you.