Also, commenting on suzieq, you're absolutely right. A lot of times, when a guy is cheating (whether by viewing porn or the real thing), it's a signal that there are things wrong with BOTH sides of a relationship.

In my situation, it wasn't the porn that bothered me so much, though it wasn't real great for my ego -- it was the secrecy and the fact that he also accessed on-line dating services. It means he's not getting something from the marriage, but knowing him as I do, I was stunned he didn't feel he could come to me and talk about it.

My problem with my husband's viewing porn AND the online dating services is that it was done "in lieu of" rather than "as an adjunct to," if you get my meaning.

Am I saying I'm the innocent victim in this? Not at all. Am I blameless? Heck no. There are issues on both sides of our marriage that need to be dealt with, and not just in the bedroom.

So in this case, the porn is being used because my guy is dealing with issues other than curiosity of what else is out there. What are those issues? I don't know, though I can guess after 18+ years of marriage. I'm hoping couples counseling will help us both sort them out.

But this isn't the case for everyone, as this and other Web sites demonstrate. Certain men can have the sweetest, most loving, most understanding wives around who are always there for them and they STILL stray.

There are certain men out there who should just never be married because, for whatever their reasons, they're emotionally incapable of committing to one person. It doesn't matter how understanding the woman is in such situations, these guys feel tied to the "ball and chain." This is where these so-called "open marriages" come from.

And to show that I'm equal about this, there are certain women who should never be married, too. Problem is, society puts such a premium on "wedded bliss," that even those who shouldn't be married GET married because their family and friends wonder "what's wrong with them" if they don't.

Finally, of course women lust after men in tight jeans and open shirts and so forth. I don't know of any woman who doesn't appreciate a nice pair of buns, if you pardon the crudity. But again, if it's used "in lieu of," then there are problems, again on both sides.