Sugaree,
Most of us learned the hard way. How do you think we became so wise...! [Big Grin] Pain is a powerful teacher.
I don't envy you your situation. You have received some excellent advice. Now you just need to implement it. (Isn't it easy for me to tell you that!) I have had to use tough love with my younger brother in the past and tell him that helping him wasn't helping him. Made my family's life much easier and made him grow up.
Love to you, dear Shugee,
Lala