Di said it! Children grow up, and hopefully they will grow out of the adolesenct behavior toward the step parent! Sometimes it just takes time.

My second husband was 12 yrs younger than me and never had children. I had 3 sons. Yes, the youngest one was easier for him to form a relationship with, but as they grew older, they all resented him because he WAS there doing the things their own father WOULD NOT DO! They acted out, taking it out on my husband, and man was I ever IN THE MIDDLE! Now they are grown, they have apologized to him and even said they tried to make it hard on him, but he never gave up, never! He was strong and never wavered on how he treated them, always consistent. They also remember this! My youngest one calls him Dad when talking about him to others, but when talking to him personally, his given name. They all formed a great bond soon after growing up and seeing he was there to stay, not like their dad. And, they respect him and call him for advise.

Kids sometimes work at making things hard, on purpose! It can just mean they are working through other feelings that do not really have anything do do with the step parent, sometimes. Others, need psychology, the whole family!

My youngest son and his wife have said that they want it in our will, that if anything happens to my husband (his step father, who he feels is his father) or myself, he is taking care of the one that is left, or both of us if we need taking care of! He said this at 24, he is 25 now! He is a person of few words, and always means what he says, or he doesn't speak! How is that for being a little shit younger, and growing up with respect now!

There is hope! Psychology used consistentyly on them never hurts, and the hardest thing in the world, not taking anything personally that they say. When they can get to you and know those buttons, they are in control. I always had some really good come backs to my sons, my middle one was the worst.

His first few times of trying to hurt me or anger me:
Son, "I am so mad at you."
Me, "Dustin, I thought you were having trouble in English. This is wonderful! You just said a five word sentence using a (whatevers) and totally conveyed how you feel. I think you should go write that down right now so you will have it when you need a good sentence for English!"

Son yelled, (First and last time he said this to me)"I hate you!"
Me, "Really! Geeze, I never knew that. Thank you for sharing that deep thought with me. What do you want for dinner?" "Oh, I just thought of a great idea!" I go over to a sheet of paper and marker and write down, then show him and ask. "See my profound thought Dustin!" On the paper is written. [We can discuss anything, and yell about nothing!] "Where do you think we should hang this in the den so we all can see it to remind us?"

After about 3 mos of this, his attitude changed. I said nothing he could argue about, or push my buttons, or be angry at! I never once got angry, although the 'I hate you' hurt, he never knew it! It did him no good to use it again, because it didn't work. I have used these things with my grandchildren also, especially my granddaughter, now 17. NO, I am not perfect! My husband, their step father, taught me child psychology and how to deal, and he was the one they took things out on!

I am sorry this was so very long, but I though something might pop out and might help. My sons all have their own children and are using the same methods. It is working!