I know a ton of women who are going through this or have gone through this. I've found the best thing to do and it's extremely difficult, is when the kids say something their mother has said, ignore it and change the subject. Act like you never heard it. If you respond, it will only add fuel to the fire. The youngest one doesn't really know the pain behind her words, but she'll soon learn if you react.

You are facing an age old problem of the husband not responding and trying to fix everything. They seem to think that being truthful with their children will make them stop loving him or feel threatened. They don't understand their children will respect them more if they stand up for the new marriage.

I can't make your husband understand the pain you feel anymore than it seems you can. But I would suggest you never call or confront the ex again because it seems this is what she wants. Some people live off havoc and problems but if you don't play along, what will they do? Let her talk until her lips drop off. It will only prove to her children that she's still emotionally involved with your husband and is a bitter woman. The kids will grow very tired of this. It's hard to do but you can do it. You have a new baby coming into the world that needs you to be calm. Don't play others games. The only time there is competition is when we join in the competition. So, don't go there.

I'm really, really sorry you're going through this and we'll be here for you!