Wow, Naturegirl, I definitely know the tug-of-war you are re: your partner's stepson, as I have been the girlfriend then fiancee and then wife in a blended family with a stepdaughter.

I just have a few questions for you - you say that you are a stable family - but you are not married to G's Dad - why is that? Especially since you and G's Dad now have a child together? Having worked in law, that does not appear very stable of a situation to a judge.

Also, why did you move to another city? The most stable place to be with G would be in a place where he and his mom could be relatively close by. Just curious. Did your partner have a company relocation or was this just a choice you and he made together?

Having worked with blended families a lot - I can tell you that a 4 month custody arrangement with Mom and 4 month then with Dad is NOT in a young child's best interest. That does TERRIBLE things to a child's psyche and sense of security at such a tender age. I believe if I were your husband I would seriously rethink that.

Re: G's Mom - I think there is more to this picture than meets the eye. Were you part of G's parents divorce as the other woman? If you were - trust me, G's mom has every human reason to be upset and volatile under the circumstances and you should know that. Even if you were NOT the other woman, divorce healing takes time. I would recommend that both you and your partner as well as your partner's ex-wife (they are DIVORCED right?) get into Divorce CARE, a program set up to help people like yourselves who are going through a tough time with divorce. www.divorcecare.com

Any time a woman, especially a single mom, goes through a divorce it takes a good two to three years for the AVERAGE woman to get her feet back on the ground. I know many single moms who have had to switch many jobs b/c of circumstances that were not favorable for child care or for the best interest of her son. I personally do not know ANY single moms that have NOT struggled financially following a divorce. Divorce typically leaves a mom and kids at poverty levels while Dad moves on to another woman and seemingly is doing okay in his new life already put together.

Please be careful not to paint her as unstable or incompetent b/c your partner choose to pick her in his life and also choose to bring G into the picture with her and well, if she is all that bad - what does that say about your partner's choice in women?

This is not a popularity contest, Nature. This is a child's future. Divorce does crazy things to kids and when there is drawn out custody arrangements and horrible things are either said or implied in front of a child to poison them about the other parent - this does affect the child, even a 4 year old, on a very deep level. Even children younger than 4 go through acting out and acting up. It is completely unrealistic to think that they WOULDN'T experience these things. I would highly recommend you going to DHS or the equivalent in your area and seeking professional counseling for G. I also highly recommend a counselling technique called "Filial Play Therapy", as this is better suited for kids of G's age.

Re: change of lawyers - I'm not sure if I am getting this correctly - are you implying that G's mom did this to STALL the custody arrangements? Or could it be that she simply could not afford the lawyer she did have and financially speaking had to switch attorneys? As that happens alot in divorce proceedings. I know for a fact, as a typical divorce with children and custody issues will cost around $3000 - 5000 or MORE to litigate and usually cases with kids involve at least one if not two attorney changes. Such is the process of splitting apart what God put together.

K, please love G enough to wait until he is older to accept the title "Mommy". I would encourage you to read the book Stepwives : Ten Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Step-Mothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First by Louise Oxhorn,Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood I highly encourage any step mom who has the birth mom involved to VOLUNTARILY DEMOTE herself to a lesser position of "2nd Mom" "bonus mom" or use a foreign language word for "mother" like "Mimi" or something of the sort. Birthrights are not something that can be acquired along with quicky divorces and remarriages. They permanently belong to the birth mother. Please respect that and you'll see a different woman where the one you are seeing now is.

Also you did not mention how old you were, how old your partner is as well as how long your partner and his ex-wife were married before you came into the picture.

K, you said that your partner's ex-wife is "She is jealous and vindictive and selfish and is impossible to talk to."

From one stepmom's point of view who has walked miles both with myself and others in blended family - you are being unrealistic.

You have everything that she had and you think that she wouldn't have trouble dealing with that? Think like a WOMAN, K - a hurt, rejected and injured woman...and if you can't do that, then you have no business stepping into G's life or his Dad's life b/c you will end up hurting them more than you ever dreamed you possibly could. Think like a MOM, K - how you feel if the shoes were flipped and it was You and A trying to make a go out of it because your partner left you. It is possible you know and statistics say it is highly likely and probably that it will happen to you.

I know I might sound a little harsh, K, but seriously, this is about a child who has been affected and will continue to be affected without his choice by decisions that Mom and Dad and now you are making in his life.

Again, highly recommend counseling for everyone, also if G needs food - that is what state agencies are set up for, as well as local churches and multiple resources...let me know the area and I will promise you that I will get the contacts for your partner to approach WITH GRACE his former wife and child for the best interests of all.

Don't criticize where you haven't walked, K, or else you are certain relive the say fate as the injured.

Call it God, Fate - Karma, what you do and how you act does come back to you in greater measure that what you gave.

Be a blessing to G's mom, K...it's not about who's better, who's worse, who's right or who's wrong.

It is about a child, name G.