K,

I would love to talk to G's mom if she ever posted here. I know I would recommend counselling for her and the same book I recommended to you - Stepwives.

You mentioned that G responds well to routines and reasonable discipline when with you all. If he is not acting this way with his birth mom, that means he does probably does not have routines and reasonable, if any, discipline. It is very common for single moms to become very passive with disciplining their children. They tend to feel scared, fearful that if they discipline that they will lose the child as well, or the child will like the other parent more...this is not good b/c children, like G, need discipline and direction and when they don't get it they act out to get some sort of parental leadership roles going in the house. Most often this acting out produces Aggressive tendencies in what was an overly-permissive mom.

Do you know if there are Family intervention programs in the area where G and his mom live that offer parenting classes - especially ones called "STEP" Strategic Techniques for Effective Parenting? These are usually hosted by non-profit groups using gov/state grant money, so child care is provided and you meet once a week, etc.

G desires discipline, correction and direction - just as any child does deep down - because it makes him feel SAFE. Recommend you possibly getting some books for her on healthy disciplining (i.e. Making Your Kids Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman) as well as Stepwives.

If the mother is using drugs, abusing alcohol, and is volatile with G - pull in Child Protective Services, G. is considered an at-risk child. If charges are substantiated against the birth mom - then G will be removed from her custody and given to his father, if the court deems him suitable.

K, have you ever studied anything re: The Personalities? Private Message me and I'll send you some resources I have here to help you in understanding more about personalities and how they influence our interactions with others. That may help you all in dealing with his mom.

I have been and am where you are at with dealing with "extended" families and it does get overwhelming and is often painful - keep pushing through, and keep your head up, there is light ahead.

Best to you all to have this resolved quickly - it is not in G's best interests, or anyone directly involved, to have the 4 month/4 month visitations to continue.

K, I am sorry that she insults you..every person deserves respect.

I really really really recommend you read Stepwives - it is an eye-opening journey both ways for the emotions that surround an ex-wife and a stepmom and their in-common child.

Let me know what you think of the book when you've read it.