Lynne and Bliss (aka #5),
Yes, the hurt is there and it is a huge change (especially after 41 years!). You have history. That will always be there. After I separated from my husband of 13 years, it hurt. I had loved him so much -- too much, probably. He was (and still is) an active alcoholic and I initiated the divorce, but it was still tough. I had been so emotionally entangled with him, I'd forgotten who I was a separate person. So I had to begin the work on me. One of the best things I did for myself was have some body work done to release all the pain and sorrow. It was an incredible experience that accounts, I think, I think for the beginning of my health. It was also suggested that I write my life story out. Since then, I have taken a class where we were required to write our life stories in bullet form and look for threads. It was an interesting and revealing experience.

Yes, Bliss, you are normal! We women are, generally, closer to our emotions. Men tend to shove them down and deal with pain by withdrawal or addictive behaviors. Your ex's pain is probably far greater and far older than yours, but you will never see it.

HUGS -- lots of them -- from all of us. I wish I was there to hold you while you cry.