My family wants me out pronto. It's so strange to love someone and care what happens to them but know that you have probably made a big mistake. You feel that it is now too late and have so much invested. He says I'm pushing him too far, way beyond what he has ever said he was willing to do or accept in his life. His children treat me with very guarded coolness. It seems they wish me and mine would simply go away and their dad would reunite with their respective moms.
If I sit at the computer and play video games to "chill out" he walks in and says there is a lot of work to be done and why am I wasting time?
He did buy Christmas presents for my grandchildren though. I don't know if he expects me to pay him back or not.
Sometimes hes really not that bad and can actually be very nice. When he is a bastard it is usually his excuse that he is in pain or worried about his future.
He has friends who have sent off for girlfriends in Russia and China. I think he would do that in a heartbeat and still may.