Oh girl, do I have input on this subject! This is after 13 years of this nonsense and after our beautiful Leigha on this site helped me realize some things of great importance.

1.) You're right...wives don't compete and there is only a competition if all involved play that game. Don't play it. Remove yourself from their game. Emotionally detach and stay that way.

2.) Men with kids from another marriage feel they are caught in the middle when it's them who has put themselves in that position. They aren't mature enough to realize it's okay to be a husband and father at the same time. They've drawn a line that keeps them attached to the kids and you the outsider.

3.) They have had a certain energy with their kids and when you entered the picture, you disrupted that energy. This is why you are the outsider. It makes them uncomfortable to have someone join in that energy so the only way they know how to keep you out is to repeat this behavior because so far, it's worked.

4.) I've learned that most men won't listen to repeated arguments, nagging or harping. So try this: Point out a very valid and honest opinion about the daughters and then, back away and don't mention it again. Normally, it will seep in and the kids actions will prove you right. But, these men have to see it for themselves and they won't, out of stubborness, until we stop pointing it out. Example: It breaks my heart that your daughters won't ever get to experience a real life because they've been given so much, they will believe it's owed to them and they are so special, it's a shame. No attacking, resentment or blame.

5.) This is what I had to do to protect my own sanity. I decided that my children/grandchildren and husband were my family and I was happy with that. My husband worked overtime to be certain I was the outsider where he and his kids were involved until I decided that was okay by me. I would stay away and he could enjoy them anytime he wanted to (and I want him too) but I don't have to be a part of it because I don't go where I'm not liked or welcome. I even said seperate holidays and vacations were fine with me. I did this because I was the one who always ended up being shunned or hurt and I like myself enough to not do that anymore.

I stopped asking for special treatment that would only result in being hurt again where his kids were concerned (airport ride). I protected my spirit and took charge of my own life and stopped expecting to come first. Told him I knew I never would, never had been and I couldn't make him grow up and be a husband. Those words and those actions were what finally got through. Today, I come first.

I hope this helps because I know how you feel and how much pain and frustration are involved. We did the counseling thing and it really only helped temporarily. Some things just have to be lived out. Let me know if you have any other questions because girl, I'm here for you.