Thank goodness for great survival instincts...Today I was praying and asked God to help me find His purpose for my life.

My mom continually hurts me. I call she and dad just to chat and wind up telling them what's going on and then mom says, "Well, you know there are healthy people in your family who would gladly take A off your hands." "Thanks mom!" As I've shared with you all before, my mom has never accepted any of her 5 children unless we have successful, well-paying jobs, drive nice vehicles, teach a Sunday school class or sing in the choir or both, are married to a successful man and have a college degree.

She once told my sister and I that she wished she had never given birth to us if she had known all we would do is grow up and marry and have kids.

She once beat me because my dad bought me a new skirt. I went to my dad's office and asked him if I could have a new skirt that I had seen at the department store when I was a soph, in high school. Dad went with me to the store and I showed him the skirt. He bought it for me but told me not to let my mom know. I only got to wear my cousin's hand me downs. We came home and I hid it in the closet but mom saw. She said to my dad, "Ray, you should have married Rhonda!"

My mom was always buying new things for herself. She would jump out from no where and beat my sister and I with whatever was handy for things like not coming in from playing on time. Yet, she taught us to appreciate opera and classical music and taught us to appreciate the finer things in life.

She treated me inappropriately by asking me when I was a teenager and young adult to come and get in bed with her and sing to her....She probably didn't mean anything weird by it, but it made me feel so uncomfortable.

Then I call her for comfort and she implies I shouldn't have my grandaughter. I never have been able to make her proud of me...