Okay, ladies, I was online looking for a bi-polar forum and decided that I should come back here where I "know" some folks. Sometimes, though, it's scarier to reveal yourself to those you know than to strangers.

At any rate, I've been diagnosed as bi-polar. There I said it. Ew. I hate those words.

I didn't believe it at first. But after doing a lot of online research, I guess I have to admit that I do fit the profile. Facing the fact that this is what I'm dealing with will make things easier, I suppose; although right now it isn't very easy.

My doctor prescribed one drug which helped right away, but then it seemed to stop working, so he added a second which didn't help and now I'm taking three drugs. This is so discouraging. I fear that, at this rate, I will be on every drug known to man eventually.

My doctor claims that most bi-polar people take a minimum of six medications. Grrrrreat. I know now why so many bipolar folks are in denial. We don't want to accept the fact that we cannot control our own minds and that we will need more and more drugs just to hang on to reality. It's very scary business. I would appreciate talking to others who have been where I am.

I was doing wonderfully early this week; but when some small insignificant thing disappointed me, I went into a nose dive and got so depressed that I wasn't able to get out of bed for two days. I HATE being this way, but it's so hard to make myself do what I need to do, in spite of feeling bad. And I get upset with myself that such a small thing can cause me to despair.

The mind is so complex. I wish we knew more about illnesses of this sort. But I guess we can be grateful for how far medical science has come in the past decade or two. My husband's grandmother was bipolar and lived in an insitution most of her life. Every time I saw her, she was a sweet, gentle lady. I could not imagine her being anything else . . . It's so unfair that illnesses of this sort can turn people into the exact opposite of who they really are. But I guess NO illness is fair, is it now?

After reading about the propensity for bi-polars to overdose, I can't help but wonder if it's more by accident than intentionally? I have a friend who died that way -- beautiful, sweet lady. People insist that she did it on purpose, but I don't believe she did. I don't know whether she forgot she'd taken her medication and doubled up on it, or drank with it or maybe her doctor had overmedicated her.

I have another friend who is definitely overmedicated. She's like a zombie. No wonder it's such a frightening illness. You look around and see all the things you pray will not happen to you, but you have no way of knowing what the future holds.

I guess, just like so many things, all we can do is take one day at a time . . .