hi just been reading throw this thread di admitedly for the first time....

i can relate to a lot of what your saying and felt emotional reading throw the posts around a lot of the points you weer making. I didn't have a biological child untill i was 35 or 36, multiple miscariges, never carrieing past 3 mounths.

Having lucien now, for whatever reason, some change or luck or just by chance i managed full term. I rember chatting the issue over with another tutor she couldn't have kids at the time and i still hadent had lucien. I had given up all hope of trying again at the time becouse the rise and dashing of hope was so painfull. we were having a private chatt just swapping situasions she said and i belive it to be true that in some way for her she hadent ever managed to become pregnant so had no focus to greve over...At lest i had my miscarriges. Not a good sitasion for either of us but it cought me up short...The outcome was the same (no child) but somehow i agree that her "type" of situasion and pain was in some respects more difficult, to negosiate in the world.

Choice is such a freeing thing...you can choise to do or not to do....When that choice is taken from you or you descover you never had it in the first place it's hartbraken. Maybee its the powerlessness, having no say thats an equley painfull process or situasion than the long term reality of not having a child.

In some respect when my partner had a child it would have been enough for me if that was as far as it had ever whent for me. I considered him to be equilly mine......One diffrence now in having a biological child, as much as that last child was mine, their is a diffrence. In how my other relatives view and treat him...Well at lest when he was first born. They did include him more and treat him as "proper" family compairring who he looked like etc.

For me now the main diffrence between the kids having had both experiences is the carrieing or pregnancy bit...after that it really dose stop with me.....apart from i always have him as a responcibility which can't be removed from me so i got more security.

thanks for posting about this di, i enjoyed reading the post and the bit of educasion i got even if i know and rember that experinces from the inside..

i am sorry for your loss and i am sorrie it still and probebly will pain you for the rest of your time heer. Despit still having a full and productive life

god bless ya di and all you do
celtic