I am mother the mother of 5 children. My oldest died when she was 11yrs old..25 yrs ago on the 29th of August..a liver disease which today could have been helped by a liver transplant..and recently, my 31yr old daughter told me that I have lost one more daughter (herself) mainly because I refused to give her a loan for a car. She has 3 children herself..is a single mother...and then I have another daughter (my oldest living child) who has one child and cannot seem to have anymore because her husband has too few and slow sperm..this daughter is 34 and her husband is 42..there are so many situations in life that hurt and pain..very very deeply. I don´t know about books that educate people about what to say or not to say. People say stupid, silly things..meaning well..but getting it all wrong anyway. Don`t you think??? Some of these silly things teach me the lesson of humility (I hope)because I have to remember that people don´t understand fully..they have not walked in my moccassins..but they are perhaps still trying in their own way to understand and give condolence or whatever. If people get instructions about what to say or not say...does what they DO say come from the heart..even if that heart is clumsy and silly sometimes? I don´t know..Two of my children (adults) are in therapy and due to this therapy, I think, they say very hurtful things about our daughter and their sister that we all lost so many years ago. But it´s honest..what they say at present..and even tho it hurts SO MUCH..I still want what they are thinking now..I know that they will move on and perhaps think something else..whatever that may be..but I want their honesty..otherwise I have nothing to relate to..to work with.

When my daughter died, many told me that it was God´s will, etc etc. I couldn´t swallow that..now or then. But these people tried in their own way..I can appreciate that..I think. My daughter who cannot have anymore children..she has one child, I know..but is there room for her pain, too? There should be..I think..maybe without pamphlets and help?

I know that I am on thin ice here..but I want to lift these thoughts into the open..with the greatest of humility and hope that I will get straight answers back.