I am continuing here as I am worried about losing what I write. It has happened before .

I don´t know why I am thinking that my reaction what you all wrote is so important..but I HAVE TO react because you all spoke to my heart..the innermost regions that I tuck away for safety´s sake. It will be 25 yrs ago on Aug.29th that my daughter Susan died..and I am sure that my body remebers alot more than I do consciously. So perhaps that is why I feel I must write to you. Take it for what it is..

Princess,I work with children like your sister, Heather. And I know how cruel people can be..family and the near community. I myself, as their teacher and day caretaker, can loose patience. The trust and love that these children give me is so great that I always drive home thinking what an awful person I am. How I fail them because I don´t understand what they are trying to say to me..to convey to me. I feel as tho they exist on a level that I have deep within me, being a human, but I have stifled it on my way by cultural norms. I can truely understand that you did not want to risk having a child that would have to go thru this again..

Lola, I have one daughter with 3 children..2 from one father and 1 from another father. Her last son was conceived despite a coil and and a condom. I have another daughter who has one child (9yrs old) and cannot conceive any more ecause her husband has sperm problems. She is married to a pastor and has a "organized" life or whatever you want to call it. These 2 women do not get along at all. My "organized" daughter lives in the US and visits maybe every other year. The 2 sisters always have very very hurtful verbal fights.It is usually my daughter with the 3 children that starts them. As a family, this causes alot of pain and sorrow as we love them both and think they are both great in their own way. My daughter with the 3 kids feels like a failure deep inside..eventho she isn´t at all. She is managing quite well despite all the odds. And my daugther from the States is asking herself: why? why? can´t I have more children. As you say..one can only hope that they both understand that we just LOVE them for the people that they are. And that we are yearning and hoping for them both..without comparing or judging in any way. You cannot compare grief..ever. Right?

Dotsie..is there an appropriate way to face another´s grief? NO. NO. NO. That´s what I mean by no pamphlets and kits..BUT I MAY BE WRONG here! By the fact that you are TRYING to be of help and consolation is enough. You DARE to call on the phone or Do something just by perjaps being there..visiting or something. There are SO MANY people that avoid contact because they are frightened by doing the wrong thing..saying the wrong thing..but often when you are in deepest grief, you don´t have the energy to call for help and you yourself don´t want to call someone on the phone just to talk because you know you will talk about the tremendous pain you feel..that consumes you..and who has the energy and time to listen to that? So you don´t call anyone..and are so grateful when someone calls you instead and asks: how are you doing? How are you getting thru your day?.. I`d like to just come over and have some coffee with you and talk..

It´s almost 1am. here in Sweden. But I am a night owl..thank you..all of you for sharing so much so deeply..and thank you especially..Di!